The Bridget Jones effect – why the ‘sad spinster’ image is a total myth

A single woman is sad, lonely and spends her life collecting cats, quaffing barrel loads of Chardonnay and waiting for Prince Charming. A single man, by contrast, is a cad about town who enjoys a carefree lifestyle watching endless sports, sowing his wild oats and desperately avoiding getting marched down the aisle.

These are the social stereotypes we are surrounded by anyway. Think Bridget Jones V Daniel Cleaver

But it turns out the forlorn cat lady cliché is not true. According to new research from the University of Toronto, single women are significantly more contented with their lives than single men. And they are less likely to want to be part of a couple. 

The study’s co-author Elaine Hoan says this could be because men get more emotional support from their romantic relationships than we women do (we get a lot from our plutonic friends). 

Additionally, she posits, it could be that women are wary of getting burdened by the disproportionate amount of domestic drudge they have historically ended up doing in traditional relationships. 

Plus, now the pay gap is (slowly) closing, women often don’t need a man for financial security. 

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Between the ages of 18 and 45, I was single for a paltry six months. I always wanted to be part of a couple, craving the security it gave me. 

There are probably all kinds of reasons for this – pop psychology might lay it at the door of a fairly absent father. Who knows, but once I was in a relationship I was barnacle-like.

Then when I divorced, after about a year of wound licking, I decided it would be great to be part of a romantic union.

This was a steep learning curve. Dating and finding out what worked for me and what didn’t was eye-opening. 

As I get older and stronger (and have the benefit of some therapy) I now see a romantic relationship as less a need and more a choice, a positive thing to enhance my already full life. 

My perspective has shifted. Perhaps it took the implosion of my marriage, but I no longer see single as something to be avoided at all costs, but rather a perfectly valid lifestyle choice.

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I heard the chef Nigel Slater on Kirsty Young’s Single Again podcast talking about his choice to remain uncoupled. He was (shockingly) honest about not ever wanting to accept the compromise involved in a partnership, saying he doesn’t ever want to have to do something he doesn’t want to do.

DISCOVER: How I cracked the secret to midlife happiness at 49 

Me? I’m happy to accept that some compromise for the joys that my romantic relationship brings, but I still salute him for challenging the status quo and championing the idea contentment comes in many forms.

As Bridget would say,  v.v. good!